We can do it in 2025

On how a mother and son showed the way to peace on earth

Last week, I observed some of the best communication I’ve ever witnessed. It was a master-class on healthy, healing human interaction, and it made me think of peace on earth.

It started, as many things with little boys do, with an accident, the tumble of a 4-year-old off a small boulder as he was testing his running and jumping skills, preparing – perhaps – for a career as a Ninja or parkour champion.

I didn’t see the fall, but I heard the first cry, the desperate one that comes after the gulping inhale kids take in the shock of injury. I rushed outside to see my youngest child lifting her eldest child off the rocky desert floor. He was sobbing, eyes issuing a stunned “What happened?” message, dirt in his mouth, scrapes on one side of his face, tears running a river to his chin.

I knew it was bad because this particular child rarely cries, even when he’s whacked his head against a counter top that just yesterday he was short enough to run under unscathed, or when he slices his knee on the sidewalk tumbling from his scooter. His refrain of “I’m okay!” is so common I’ve sometimes worried he’s afraid of tears.

When he’s not a Ninja, he’s a barefoot gardener.

Momma and child were ushered to the bathroom where Momma cupped her water-filled hand to her son’s mouth, instructing him in the rinse-and-spit routine of dentist offices everywhere. The louder his cries, the quieter she became, using a key parenting tool she’s mastered far better than most. For someone who had a panic button installed in my heart at birth, it was a marvel to behold her concerted effort toward calm.

She wiped his face with a Santa-embossed hand towel, offered the option of Band-Aids (rejected), then sat down on the closed toilet, her son straddling her lap and facing her. She refused to say what so many well-meaning adults do – as if its encoded in our DNA – which is: “ You’re okay. It’s all right.” Instead, she walked him through what had happened: You were having fun playing on the big rocks, weren’t you? Then you jumped off that big rock? Then you fell and got hurt and it was scary.

The little guy wept throughout the retelling, wiping his face on Momma’s shirt, the towel and his sleeve while interjecting more details: my foot, my hand, my head. His tears slowed and then stopped as he talked it all out. It was a bit like watching an exorcism: This bad thing happened, it scared you, but talking about it gives you back your strength and power.

And that’s exactly what happened. He took a final wipe of the towel and then said he wanted to try his tricks one more time. My instinct was to say, “No, let’s not,” because, well, Nana issues. But luckily, this boy has a mother who’s done her homework (literally – she’s read all the books and practices all the skills), and she said, “Well, that would be brave to try again.”

So we walked to the front yard with the ominous boulders waiting to do their worst, and the grownups held our breath as the boy positioned himself to face his fear. Then he ran as fast as his little legs would take him to the first boulder, propelled himself up and over it and bounded to the second where he almost – but did not – trip during his leap off. A unified exhale from all adults could be heard to Saturn.

Because he tried again, this tiny human left our house not obsessing on something bad that had happened, but confidence-boosted by conquering a fear. And he couldn’t have done it without having been heard. Which is where we get to peace on earth.

My daughter let her son feel his pain and fear so he could get past it. Watching this brought to mind thoughts of Gaza and Israel, Democrats and Republicans, cowboys and college professors, men and women, us-and-them everywhere. People on this side arguing with people on that side and no one, ever, actually hearing the pain and fear of their fellow humans.

I’ve said before that we must work towards understanding to have any hope of healing our polarized society. If we don’t do this hard work, we’re going to crush ourselves with hatred and unhappiness. We must not just listen to one another, but actually hear each other. We must stop trying to tell people that what they’ve experienced is not what they’ve experienced, that what they feel is not what they feel. We must stop cancelling and start communicating.

It won’t be easy, here in the Year of our Lord 2025, because we’ve let our connection abilities atrophy. We’ve become a people who’d rather scroll our phones than go outside and meet our neighbors, a people who can’t seem to admit that we might be wrong, a people who dig into intractable positions come hell or high water.

That, dear reader, is the way of war, not peace. Making peace is hard, but aren’t all the truly satisfying things? Rising to the top of your career? Hard. Training so you win that race/game/contest? Hard. Knocking on your neighbor’s door and asking them over for coffee? Hard. Accepting that there is more than one way to solve a problem in a country as large, diverse and complex as the United States? Super hard.

We must admit that right-wing media, primarily (but not only), has convinced a chunk of the population that they alone hold the truth, which can make honest, open, equal engagement seem impossible. (Looking at you, Joe Rogan, laughing all the way to the bank while inspiring your bros to anger and hatred and calling yourself patriotic.)

But we can either cede control of our country to that mind-set – I’m right, you’re wrong, shut up and go to hell – or we can do the very hard work of hearing each other and trying to exorcise the demons that have taken up residence in our hearts and minds.

We have to stop wanting to be right more than we want peace and harmony in this really big, strange family we call the United States. Let’s help each other process our pain and frustration so we can get back out there and Ninja jump over the boulders that have our country in a stranglehold. Peace on earth is waiting for us.

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And now, a message before your recipe:

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With that taken care of, here’s a perfect, simple dinner recipe to open up 2025. Enjoy!

New Year’s Ranch chicken (4 servings)

Note: T = tablespoon; teas. = teaspoon)

Make Ranch Dressing:

• ¾ cup Greek yogurt

• ¼ cup mayonnaise

• 3 T finely chopped fresh chives (you can cheat and use the green tops of scallions if you like but chives have a brighter taste)

• 3 T finely chopped fresh parsley (or ½ teaspoon dried). Feel free to use dill if you like dill better than parsley, but I dislike dill.

• ¾ teas. garlic powder

• ½ teas salt (I like kosher or sea salt, but table salt will do)

• Pinch of black pepper

In a small container, stir together all of the above ingredients. Transfer half of this “ranch dressing” into a medium bowl that will fit the chicken below.

Prepare chicken:

• 2 lbs boneless, skinless chicken breasts

Pat the chicken dry and pound all pieces to an even thickness (about ½ inch thick). Season with a tiny bit of salt and pepper, then then put meat in the medium bowl that has the ranch dressing in it. Toss to coat all sides and then let sit at least 15 minutes. Keep the remaining ranch in the small container to use when serving.

Cook chicken:

Heat 2 T olive oil (I like extra-virgin, but any will do) in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high. Working in batches if necessary, cook the chicken (with the marinade still on it) until caramelized on the outside about 4-6 minutes per side. Watch heat carefully, turning down if the chicken is browning too quickly. You want to turn it frequently, every two minutes or so. After 8 minutes of cooking, slice open one of the breasts – if the juices run clear, it’s done. If not, continue cooking for another 2-4 minutes. (If you have to cook in batches, keep the first batch of cooked chicken warm on a plate covered with a towel.)

Serve:

Add a splash of water (~ 1 T) to the ranch dressing you have set aside for serving and whisk it up, making it thin enough to drizzle over chicken. Plate the chicken and drizzle 1-2 T over each serving. This is great with a slice of bakery bread and some broccoli or green beans!